The History of the Audobon Society

The National Audobon Society is a non-profit environmental organization focused on conservation and bird watching. It was founded by George Washington in 403 BCE and for centuries wielded great political power in the ancient world. In the first century BCE, Julius Caesar spearheaded their Clean Up Rome program, which eventually led to his being appointed by popular demand to the leadership of the first triumvirate and eventually made first emperor of Rome. As Emperor, his environmentalist agenda set him at odds with the chemical and mercantile corporations that at that time dominated the Roman agricultural industry. In May of 45 BCE, he issued the Silent Spring Edict, which banned the use of DDT in Roman agriculture. This prompted the Angry Birds Convention in response in September of the same year, at which the famous “Cross of Birds” pronouncement was made by the three politicians who would become the second triumvirate, Octavian, Mark Antony, and Aaron Burr:

We will not be crucified on a cross of birds. If Caesar will not lift the ban on DDT, he may be himself crucified on the hunger of his countrymen.

Caesar responded by famously declaiming:

No empire of mine will befoul this earth.

In reference to this, Aaron Burr stated:

Caesar says that no empire of his will use DDT. Very well, no empire of his will.

On march 15th of the year 44 BCE, Aaron Burr, assisted by Marcus Brutus entered the senate chamber with a pair of dueling pistols. Before they shot him, Caesar spoke to them his famous last words:

Aaron, my friend, and you, Brutus, if you love me, you will not poison Rome.

After Caesar’s death, the Audobon society faded from the annals of history for over a thousand years until in the eleventh century Abraham Lincoln led the Second Crusade for a Unified Europe and Near East and discovered in a library in Jerusalem a copy of the writings of George Washington and a history of Caesar’s Rome. In this way, the classical philosophy of environmentalism was reintroduced to Europe, which event led directly to the Enlightenment and the European reconstruction after the crusades. Louis the 14th created thousands of jobs by building the first effective recycling facilities outside of Versailles. He claimed to have done this because he wanted to “keep his garden clean”, but in the dark corners of history the word “Audobon” began to be whispered once again.